Possibly The Worst Tenant Application EVER

There’s an important lesson to be learned here by all prospective tenants. Although, fortunately, there’s just about enough faith in humanity left in my dwindling tank to believe that most won’t need to learn this particular lesson.

The other day I think I received, what I believe to be, the worst tenant application, EVER. Why? Because this is how she thought would be the best way to introduce herself as a prospect…

hi i was interested in the house you want to rent out, thing is i need to know if you accept dss. iv been living with my mum since December 27th with my two young daughters because there dad chucked us out so need to get them in a home asap please reply thanx [insert name]

Pretty unbelievable, but also saddening.

Any sane landlord wouldn’t even give this girl a chance. Some might say it’s unfair and that I’m discriminating, but I say “good business sense”

The writing is clearly on the wall with this one.

The thing about finding good tenants is that it’s all about minimising and calculating the odds. For example, the odds of getting less trouble off an employed professional worker compared to a single mother on benefits are extremely high. Of course, that won’t always be the case, but it’s safer to stick with the better odds. More explained over on the best and worst tenants blog post.

Whilst the applicant sounds like a sweet enough girl that’s down on her luck, and while I can honestly sympathise with her situation, the fact still remains that her situation is far from desirable for a landlord (even a desperate one that’s struggling to fill a vacancy).

If the applicant had better sense (to put it mildly), she wouldn’t have updated me on the drama (although, it was appreciated), so I was aware of her terrible situation, at least that way she may have stood a fighting chance. However, alas, what she did was on the same par as me applying for a job with the following cover letter:

My last boss fired me, so I’ve been working as a pimp ever since. But I want a proper job now, please throw me a bone.

Also, as part of my package, I’d like a 5minute break every hour so I can jack-off in the toilets.

Hardly appealing, right? Or maybe it is. You tell me.

In any case, I don’t deal with DSS tenants anymore. I’ve had enough trouble from them in the past. Before anyone jumps down my throat, I have a problem with the system- it’s fucking ridiculous – I don’t have a problem with the individuals in receipt of benefits. I’ve already ranted and raved about why I dislike DSS tenants over at DSS Tenants and the Council.

Here’s a more precise list of reasons why I refused her application:

• I don’t deal with DSS tenants (as explained)
• She’s an unemployed single mother with 2 kids
• If her partner decides to make a surprise return, there could be trouble i.e broken walls/windows
• I’m sure I could easily find someone with better credentials (which is essentially every landlord’s objective, right? To find the most suitable tenants)

Anyways, I don’t think it’s rocket science: if you’re looking for a place to rent, think about how you sell yourself.

Peace xo