Landlord Products / Services
It’s weird, isn’t it?
There’s a very vocal chunk of society that has stuck a “Parasite” sticker on my forehead and tossed me into the incinerator along with Grandpa’s disposable adult nappies, all because I’m a landlord. In their eyes, I’m practically selling crack-cocaine to minors, and using the profit to purchase illegal firearms for my 10yr old son’s gun collection.
They don’t know me from Adam. But they don’t need to, because there’s no redemption for my kind. So to avoid judgement and prosecution, I don’t even highlight my involvement with property to strangers anymore if it ever comes up in conversation. As far as they’re aware, I mow lawns and occasionally steal garden ornaments to support my drug addiction – a more honourable career path that tends to receive a better reception.
It’s weird, right? I’m genuinely asking. Perhaps it’s not weird, and it’s true that all landlords by definition have been compromised by unfathomable greed. But if that’s the case, what’s the better alternative?
It wouldn’t be wise of me to use my time trying to convince the world that I’m a “good landlord“, because really, it wouldn’t be useful, since it’s easy for me to sit on my arse, insisting that I run a legitimate business and I’m not the kind of landlord that profits from cramming refugees into my airing cupboard, or eagerly turns a blind eye to scathing mould breakouts, or dish out eviction notices like candy on Halloween.
So I won’t.
Moreover, I’m approaching the topic through a lens whereby a “good landlord” is a paradox.
For the record, I am a spectacular landlord.
Are all landlords social parasites?
The Lord knows I’ve tried to look at both sides of the argument objectively, and the irony is, I can’t get past the fact that I find it wholly immoral to judge an individual based on their non-illegal profession. I mean, that’s what we’re talking about here, right?
Personally, I don’t even judge telemarketers that make a habit of calling me at the most inconvenient time imaginable, claiming to have the ability to win me compensation for a car accident I was never even in.
They’re consciously lying through their teeth for a living, but I’m still sure every telemarketer has a story.
Similarly, I don’t know how I could objectively label a 60 year old lady – a lifetime charity worker, no less – that’s inherited a property and has chosen to rent it out to help support her impending retirement, a social parasite.
Tad harsh, no?
What about Airbnb and/or Holiday-let landlords? Do they get a pass, or are they also pure evil?
Of course, if we’re talking about gluttonous buffoons like Fergus Wilson, sign me up. I’m all in.
The funny thing is, I’m open to changing my mind and conceding to the fact that all landlords are parasites, but I need a convincing reason first!
“I don’t care what you say, being a landlord is immoral”
To many, it’s a foregone conclusion that I’m an immoral money-grabbing dick-stain, and it’s long overdue for me to “get a real job” (whatever one of those are. I hear they suck hard and make people miserable).
It certainly didn’t feel immoral when I was sweating my bollocks off, working 6-7 days per week; juggling a full-time job in addition to a weekend job serving tables, so I could stack enough cheese to invest in my future. It wasn’t an easy process. In fact, it was agonising at times. For anyone that’s worked in hospitality, I don’t need to tell you how dealing with an endless supply of self-entitled, uppity, douche-bags comes with the job.
I’ve lost count of how many times I heard the nauseating line, “do you know who I am?”
“Nope. I literally haven’t got a clue (thank God) – I’m sure you’re very successful and important – but can you kindly lower your voice, take your feet off the table, and put your cigar out with your left eye-socket, you shit-faced prick?”
Oh, was that when I had a real job?
Hard pass.
I share a glimpse of my journey because one of the biggest critiques of landlords is that we just sit back and relax while some schmuck pays off the mortgage. I’m not even going to dispute that, because someone else is contributing towards my overheads, but it’s not like I woke up one day and found myself in that position. But even if I did, does that really make me reprehensible? Plus, I’ve never really understood how a landlord generating an income from a tenant is any different from any business owner generating revenue off the hard work of their employees. I genuinely struggle to join the dots with that conundrum.
Alas, I actually did work hard to put myself here, and I continue to work to ensure my tenants receive the service they deserve.
“Yeah, but landlords are profiting from a basic human right: housing”
I really don’t know where or how this argument ends.
What about food? Isn’t access to nutritional food also a human right? There’s a food poverty crisis happening in this country right now, and I haven’t heard anyone hurling abuse at shop-keepers for profiteering from selling loaves of bread. Shouldn’t they be giving that shit away for free?
I can take the abuse, but I’d like to understand it, if I may.
Either way, I do agree that housing is a human right, but at the same time, housing can’t be free. So what’s the solution?
Let me take a stab in the dark.
The solution is to push all landlords into a meat grinder so house prices become reasonable, which will ultimately lead to the demise of the housing crisis.
Is that really a solution, though? Once again, I’m seriously asking, because I don’t want to be a social parasite. My parents raised me marginally better than that.
Would life without private landlords actually improve social prosperity?
If so, how do you know? Show me your calculations. Show me your Excel spreadsheet, highlighting the economic impact of making every person and company that provides a service to the private rental sector obsolete, from letting agents to landlords. While you’re at it, show me how you know that house prices will tumble while salaries remain intact. Your impeccable plan might also want to cater for those that actually prefer private renting. Or, are they also part of the problem?
GO ON, SHOW ME!!! SHOW ME!!!!
Of course, I’m bluffing to high heaven, because even if I’m shown a fancy-schmancy spreadsheet, I’d like to think that I wouldn’t have a clue what I’m looking at. And that’s precisely my point. The ramifications of pulling the plug on the entire private rental sector requires intelligence and computing power far greater than what the average person rooting for it is capable of possessing, so what exactly are we debating here? Other than nonsense, I mean.
I don’t know what the consequences would be, but my gut tells me the outcome really wouldn’t be the utopia the anti-landlord brigade are hoping for (because, simply, they don’t really understand what the fuck is going on).
I didn’t intend on dragging politics into this, because reducing someone into a raging patriotic fit is the last thing I ever want to do (that’s a blatant lie), but I think I might have a fitting comparable. I’m sure I’ll find out quickly If I don’t.
I think it was far easier to say “let’s leave the EU so we can take back our sovereignty” than to truly understand the reality of sovereignty.
Sure, the idea of sovereignty sounds okay in principle, but really, but the hell does it actually look like in real terms? *shrugs shoulders*
I’m still waiting for the endless supply of opportunity I was promised once we left the EU.
Farage, you gormless twat, where is MY NEWFOUND OPPORTUNITY? I’ve seen jack-shit of it.
“Taking back control” has offered approximately FUCK-ALL visible perks to my life as of yet. On the contrary, my bloody mobile service provider was quick off the mark to change my tariff, ensuring that I now get charged extra for roaming in Europe *grumbles*
In all seriousness, I don’t care how anyone voted in the Brexit referendum, because I would *ahem* NEVER judge a whole group of folk for exercising free will. My only point is that I think it’s easy to vote for an idea, but an idea is not a solution.
Is Social Housing a better solution?
Without private landlords, it’s likely that there will be a stronger shift towards social housing. Do we really want more of that?
“Wait right there, sir! Why? Why would social housing thrive?”
’cause killing the private rental sector won’t kill capitalism, which means society will STILL function with a rich and poor divide.
So, I’ll ask the following question(s): would you rather live in a society whereby private landlords exist and are legislated by the government, or whereby only the government provides and legislates social housing?
Bear in mind, at the moment the government has incentive to tighten red-tape to help improve standards in the private sector, because landlords are responsible for covering the costs. What do you think will happen if the government is responsible for legislation and covering any associated expenses to comply?
Allow me to gently jog your memory, and point out that the cladding disaster which was exposed by the Grenfell tragedy still hasn’t been resolved five years later. Blocks of social housing flats around the country are still using the same dangerous cladding. What if private landlords were responsible? I can’t help but feel many of our comrades would be behind bars.
On the flipside, when the Selective Licensing Scheme was first launched – an initiative introduced to help improve standards in the private rental sector (so they tell us) – landlords either had to cough-up the doe and comply by a specific date, or run the risk of prosecution.
Simply, it’s a lot easier for a governing body to improve standards when they’re not responsible for footing the bill. Just sayin’
In other words…
“My issue is that tenants have no rights, and landlords exploit the situation [because they’re parasites]”
Okay, so in principle you’re not against BTL, but you’re against landlords because every single one of us exploit tenants. Makes absolutely zero sense, but I hear you.
For every exploited tenant, believe you me, I can find you a landlord that’s been equally as exploited by a tenant. However, I don’t want to play the blame game, because that’s a silly game with no winners, but I do want to address the concern at hand, which I hear oh-so often, by offering my following thoughts:
- Most tenants don’t actually know what their rights are, yet they claim they have no rights. It’s a very strange paradox.
There are plenty of tools in place to reign in rogue landlords, many of which are fully loaded with hefty penalties if found guilty.
- Landlords don’t get to define legislation, that’s up to the government. So if anyone feels let down by their lack of rights, blaming landlords seems futile and a case of displaced anger.
On another related note, if being a landlord is truly inapprehensible, shouldn’t we be taking aim at those that allow us to exist? Or am I being totally unreasonable here?
Similarly, I find it strange when the general public gets enraged by wealthy celebrities taking advantage of legal tax loopholes while simultaneously voting for the very people that designed and maintain those loopholes. To me, that definitely is batshit crazy. What is wrong with people?
I’m deeply entrenched in this “landlord life” and I’ve found it to be no different than any other nook and cranny of society: there’s the good and there’s the bad, and it’s never about everyone being the same.
Parasite out xoxo
Disclaimer: I'm just a landlord blogger; I'm 100% not qualified to give legal or financial advice. I'm a doofus. Any information I share is my unqualified opinion, and should never be construed as professional legal or financial advice. You should definitely get advice from a qualified professional for any legal or financial matters. For more information, please read my full disclaimer.
I recently wrote to my MP to offer an idea for using the various agencies setup to hold tenants deposits to also hold major deposits for household building work to safe guard peoples money from rouge traders etc but provide reputable traders with confidence that the money is availble when work is completed to the customers satisfaction!
My MP only thanked me for the suggestion, but I wonder what others think about this idea?