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Urgh, nothing gets on my tits more than someone with an authority complex.
One of my best mate’s is a lodger, and unfortunately her live-in landlord seems to have a major case of it.
I frequently pop over to to chill-out and catch up on life, but I do so begrudgingly because when I do, I’m always unsettled by the experience I’m forced to endure with her landlord, who happens to be the most miserable, sorry-looking shit-face I ever have had the pleasure of meeting and dealing with.
I don’t know how my friend has coped for so long (10 months). I don’t think she knows either. Alas, my friend is too fragile to drum up any form of controversy, so she’ll tolerate pretty much anything just as long as it results in peace.
As a friend and a fellow landlord, it’s truly frustrating for me to witness such poor practices, but more importantly, unnecessarily inflict misery upon my pal.
Reasons why the landlord is a grade-A bitch!
- She’s literally NEVER happy. I’ve never seen her break into a smile, not once. Not even a smirk. Her face is permanently stuck with the same gormless expression. I’m confident that if she even tried to smile her skin would crack like dry paint.
Miserably people are so unnecessary.
- She has no concept of manners, not even a basic grasp.
Reluctantly, I always smile and greet her when I see her, even though I know I’m going to get served with the same old tired response, consisting of a low-pitched mutter, which vaguely sounds like the word, “hi”, although I wouldn’t dream betting my house on it.
JUST SMILE AND SAY HI, for Heaven’s sake!
- She’s one of those annoying clean freaks. Being clean is one thing, but being a freak about it is another thing.
She crosses the line with her freakish antics; she throws a strop when there’s a mess in my friend’s room, when It actually has NOTHING to do with her. And when I say “mess”, I don’t mean dried faeces tucked away in the corner or last week’s congealed roast dinner stowed under the bed.
My friend isn’t dirty, she’s normal, so occasionally has clothes lying around. The landlord seems to perceive that as “room-cancer”, and deems it appropriate to lecture (literally) my friend about it.
- Every time my friend cooks in the kitchen, the landlord seems to make a big deal about the smell, in a really aggressive manner. It’s fucking food, the smell will go, you dumb bitch!
I’m sure if the landlord had it her own way, my friend would only eat raw cucumbers and carrots, and an assortment of other relatively scentless foods.
- The landlord ALWAYS goes into my friend’s room and cleans it.
She’s even gone through her drawers and organised her papers and all sorts. While the intentions may not be sinister, the actions are extremely intrusive, and understandably makes my friend feel harassed. The landlord has no right to do that, but for some reason, in her stupid head, she feels she does.
- The last time my friend took a shower after 10pm, the landlord complained and insisted that showers were for morning times only.
Ever since, my friend has felt uncomfortable taking late night showers, even though she works late shifts a lot of the time. The bathroom is right next to the landlord’s bedroom, so she can’t even have a sneaky one.
It’s still unclear why this is a problem because the landlord was awake and watching TV when the attempt was made. Either way, even if the repulsive bitch was counting sheep, she still shouldn’t complain when the tenant wants to take a shower in order to maintain basic human hygiene.
- The landlord gets angered by late night visitors or stayovers. My friend has to ask permission, and the response is usually “no”, and obviously my pussy friend usually obeys like an obedient police dog.
It’s actually kinda’ pathetic. My friend needs to man up.
After lecturing my friend relentlessly, week after week, I finally broke her down, and she’s agreed to give notice and move out. HAARRAY!
But before doing so, I took a look at the lodger agreement to understand the terms of the tenancy, only to discover that it wasn’t even a “lodger agreement.” The miserable dumb sack-of-shit had used an Assured Shorthold Tenancy Agreement suitable for a single-let, which was clearly wrong. I wasn’t surprised, however.
Other than the fact an incorrect contract was being used, the tenancy agreement itself was laughable. Total junk.
- The tenancy agreement was clearly out of date, and looked like it had been typed up by the landlord on a typewriter straight after a boozy night out in town
- The contract wasn’t for a live-in landlord, it was specifically for a landlord that lived separately
I refuse to let the landlord get away with anything!!
I have a feeling in my gut that the landlord isn’t going to make it easy for my friend to depart; she may attempt to keep the deposit over something mind-numbingly stupid (because that’s the kind of person she is). But I refuse to let that happen. My friend hasn’t caused any damage to her room or the communal areas, and she’s been a perfectly good lodger.
I’m also going to ensure my friend gives the landlord the minimum notice required, just to be inconvenient as possible. The landlord has been totally inconvenient throughout the tenure, so she needs a dose of her own cheese-and-chive anal fluid thrown down her gullet.
To top it off, I’m pretty certain a gas safety check hasn’t been performed. And if it has, my friend hasn’t been provided with a copy of the certificate, which she is legally obligated to.
If the landlord at any point makes the process of moving out difficult for my friend, I’ll be throwing all of the above in her face plus more, along with a big FUCK YOU.
Right, rant over. I love you all xxx
Disclaimer: I'm just a landlord blogger; I'm 100% not qualified to give legal or financial advice. I'm a doofus. Any information I share is my unqualified opinion, and should never be construed as professional legal or financial advice. You should definitely get advice from a qualified professional for any legal or financial matters. For more information, please read my full disclaimer.
I'm amazed at how soft your friend is.